Don't Leave Samus in Charge of the Mansion
by 4everallways
Summary: Oneshot. What happens when Master Hand allows the cleaning staff to go on vacation for a week? The brawlers are stuck with their jobs. Unfortunately, most of them aren't used to doing chores.


So this is my first story for SSBB. This idea actually came to me when I was vacuuming my house. I apologize ahead of time for some of the characters seeming OOC If you enjoyed the story, feel free to drop a review afterwards. Constructive criticism is welcome.

Edit: I thought this was a bit to short, and wanted to revise it a bit.

Edit 2: Holy. This really needed work didn't it? Huge thanks to Sleepwalker48 for helping me out with this! I think I finally have it fixed the way I want it.

Disclaimer: Super Smash Bros Brawl belongs to Nintendo, not me.

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It seemed like just another Sunday afternoon at Smash Mansion. Nothing would look irregular on the outside to a passerby. But if you opened the front door you would quickly ask yourself what the heck was going on. Earlier that afternoon, Master Hand had told the brawlers that he had decided to allow the cleaning staff to have the week off. The brawlers were told that they were to clean the mansion that week, as it was about time they learned how the real world works. So there Mario was mopping the floor, with Pit flying above his head trying to dust the crystal chandelier hanging in the front hall of the mansion.

"This isn't right. I'm a prince! I shouldn't be cleaning toilets!" Marth yelled.

Samus, who was across the hall rolled her eyes. "Oh, get over yourself, Marth!"

Samus made her way downstairs, where she found Peach vacuuming in the lounge while Zelda dusted the multiple surfaces in the room. A thud came from the next room. They turned their heads just in time to see a ticked off Link stomp through the doorway coming from the kitchen. "Okay, who put Ganondork on dish washing duty?" He growled while pulling a knife out of the wall, just above his head. Peach and Zelda shrugged, and went back to their cleaning, only to be interrupted again by Kirby, who ran through the room with Red, the Pokémon trainer following close behind.

"Kirby I already said you can't eat the dirty laundry! No matter how good it tastes!" Samus rolled her eyes and made her way back upstairs. She grabbed a step stool and was reaching for the windows with a cloth. She turned her head to find Ike and Sonic carrying a ladder to replace a light bulb with the latter going at his normal pace. Fast.

"Sonic would you slow down, dammit!" Ike, who happened to have the back of the ladder yelled. He had no hope in keeping up with the the blue hedgehog, so he was being dragged across the carpet. His leg bumped into the stool Samus was standing on, causing her to fall to the floor. "Sorry!" He turned his gaze back to Sonic, and glared daggers at his back. They reached their destination and Sonic quickly halted, causing Ike's face to smash into the ground. Samus stared down the hall at the two with a bewildered expression and Ike slowly stood up and glared at the hedgehog, while smacking his fist into his palm.

Peeling herself off the floor she started to wonder how she had been elected leader of this rag tag group. What did she know about cleaning anyways? All she knew was that she was good at keeping others in check, she thought, patting the paralyzer gun in it's holster. Someone hadn't closed the door to the attic, and she could hear the conversation of Fox and Captain Falcon, who got the job of clearing it out. It was quite dusty up there, and there were a lot of boxes to move around.

"Falcon dust. Falcon sneeze!"

Eventually, Fox lost his patience with the whole third person charade. It was getting quite old.

"Would you quit it? It gets really annoying! Do you always have to talk like that?"

"Falcon yes."

Taking a break for lunch, Samus set out for the cafeteria along with the other brawlers. Samus and Ike pushed the cafeteria door open."The next time I see that little blue hedgehog I'm going to stuff my duster up his-" Ike cut her off before she could finish her sentence.

"Oh come on! You're being totally over dramatic. Baby can't deal with a small bump on her head?" Samus moved some of her hair out of the way for him to get a better look. "Or a big bump on her head. Geez, that thing is huge!" Samus turned and scowled at him.

"Whatever, like I said I'll get him." She turned her attention to the empty kitchen. The staff were no where to be found. In there place was a note, left by Master Hand addressed to the brawlers. Link picked it up and read it out loud for everyone to hear.

"Dear brawlers, I have also allowed the kitchen staff to take the week off. It's about time you learned how to cook. Please don't set the mansion on fire. Sincerely, Master Hand."

A series of groans erupted from the crowd, as most of them had never touched a pot or pan in their life. They were either royalty, where everything was done for them, from the future, where futuristic devices and robots cooked their food, or not human. The vast majority of them fell under the non human category. Samus, being the only one with a general idea on how to figure things out started to fiddle with the buttons and nobs on the oven. Zelda and Marth were flipping through a book of recipes, looking for something with the least steps possible.

Pit twisted one of the nobs on the stove, not knowing what element he was turning on, or even what an element was. Of course, a spare recipe had been placed right over top of the element, and it burst into flames. Samus, still bending down right bellow the stove and examining the oven, yelped and jumped back, making a mad dash for the fire extinguisher. She unhooked the cord and sprayed the stove.

Samus turned and glared at the angel, who in the mess had backed out of the bounty hunter's way. He grinned sheepishly back at her.

"Didn't Master Hand specifically tell us _not _to burn the mansion down?" She growled. In return Pit backed up even further until his back was against the wall with his hands up in the air. He had placed himself as far away from anything electrical or flammable as possible.

Ike had been digging through the massive deep freeze, and had stumbled across pre-made frozen food.

"Instant pasta," He read. "Ready in three minutes, just microwave and enjoy." He looked up at the others optimistically. Samus walked over and grabbed the package out of his hand. She looked inside the deep freeze to try and see how many there were. Thankfully, she saw lots.

Tossing a package in each of the fifteen microwaves they had in the kitchen, she set each for three minutes.

"Let's hope there's enough of these to last us the rest of the week."

Later that day, after lunch Samus stood with her hands on her hips, next to Peach, who stood staring at a door, vacuum in hand. She turned around to face Zelda and Marth who were standing right behind her. Whoever gave her this leadership role was seriously going to pay, Samus thought. Walking around checking up to make sure the smashers were doing what they were supposed to and bossing everyone around was one thing, but dealing with scared, pink clad princesses was a completely different situation.

"Do I have to?" She managed to squeak out. The normally peppy and cheerful princess had a disgusted look on her face, which was starting to turn the smallest bit green. The others nodded. Marth took her by the shoulders and stared at her.

"Peach, I cleaned a toilet today. Actually, I cleaned an entire washroom! If I can do that, you can go in there." Zelda opened the door and he gave her a little shove into the room before Zelda quickly shut the door again. They heard quiet muffled sobs as things were thrown in the trash can, and the vacuum cleaner was turned on. The trio turned and saw Link and Ike walking down the hall.

"Hey guys, whats up?"

"Nothing much," Marth said. "Peach lost a bet with Zelda, so now she has to clean Wario's room." The pair burst into laughter at the princess' bad luck. Once they regained their composure, the group started moving away from Wario's room, as the stench was burning a hole in their nostrils.

"Well, at least she didn't have to polish Snake's grenade launcher," Samus said. Ike smirked, knowing the clumsy princess probably would have blown her own head off.

"Where is Snake, anyways?" Zelda asked.

Link frowned. "Come to think of it, I haven't seen him all day."

"He's probably in his room cleaning his own crap. He gets quite possessive over his stuff." Marth said. The others nodded in agreement and dismissed the topic.

Little did they know, a couple floors below them in the basement sat a familiar brown cardboard box, with the said man hiding inside. Cleaning a house just was not his thing. The brawler smiled to himself. Being a normally anti social person had its pros. No one would notice you were missing until after all the chores had been finished. What he did not expect, though was for Samus to send Nana and Popo downstairs to the supply closet. The Ice Climbers immediately noticed the brown box, and flipped it over to reveal the brawler. Having heard the conversation between the others earlier, Nana called upstairs to Samus to tell her they found Snake. The bounty hunter came trudging down the stairs. Lets just say even Snake knew better then to be on the receiving end of the look she was giving him. No one tried to mess with Samus Aran.

"You," she growled. "You think you can get out of this so quickly, huh?" Samus took out her paralyzer and aimed it at Snake, who took it as his signal to leave. He bolted upstairs with Samus hot on his heals, pushing King Dedede out of the way, and jumping over Pikachu. Samus, however did not see the small yellow mouse pokémon, and tripped right over it, causing her finger to slip on the trigger of the paralyzer. The electric ray hit the ceiling of the room, causing large chunks of gip rock to fall on the carpet. Smaller bits and flakes fell in Samus' hair, and on the clothing of the others, who had been in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Snake stood up and dusted himself off. "You know Samus, violence doesn't solve all your problems."

She scowled at him. "Says you. And guess what? Since you were the one who tried to get out of all this, you get to clean it up!"

"You seem to keep forgetting my dear, that I am older than you."

"Age is but a number, Snake. Don't act like I've never beaten you in brawls. I've seen _Jigglypuff_ beat you in brawls. Besides, somehow I was nominated for the damn job of keeping everyone in line and on task, so guess what? You get to put up with it." Samus picked up Pikachu from where it had been on the floor, and stormed out of the room. Pit, having witnessed the event followed her out.

"Man, and you told me not to set the place on fire," he smirked as the older rolled her eyes.

"I didn't set the mansion on fire, Pit. Besides, your stove fire could have caused a lot more damage than that had I not been standing there."

"Ah, putting yourself in the hero's position, are you? After your temper caused you to create a hole in the ceiling? Could say Ike or Link not have put that fire out?"

"I doubt either of them knows how to use a fire extinguisher."

"That's not the only way the issue could have been resolved." Samus scowled at the angel. He was just picking for an argument. And he definitely chose the wrong person to do so with.

"Remind me again why we're having this conversation?"

"I have absolutely no idea."

Rolling her eyes for what seemed like the hundredth time that day, the two headed to the main hall. It was seven o'clock, and Samus had asked all the brawlers to meet her there. The large group had gathered, minus Snake, who was still cleaning up the mess from before. She came to a halt in front of them, and realized that they expected her to say something, being the one who called them all there. "Well, I'm actually very shocked. The mansion is actually _clean. _And nothing has blown up yet. Wow." A couple of the smashers started murmuring amongst themselves, while others called out smart remarks. "I guess theres nothing else to really do tonight, so we can meet back here tomorrow."

Zelda approached Samus after the others had dispensed, and they started walking towards the room they shared with Peach. "Well, Samus you're actually pretty good at this leader thing."

Samus groaned in response and collapsed on her bed. "I'm never doing that again. I didn't know if you noticed, but I'm not very good at dealing with people." Zelda giggled.

"That's for sure."

The next day, Samus sat at the counter with a bowl of cereal, the only thing other than microwaveable food she knew how to make. It could be said that yesterday was not Samus' favourite day in the world, so when the exact person she didn't want to see early in the morning walked into the kitchen, the expression on Samus' face was pretty predictable. Pouring himself a bowl of cereal as well, and being oblivious to the girl's glare, Snake took a seat right next to her. She immediately moved her bowl and scooted over a couple of seats. Snake huffed and turned to face the blonde.

"Look, Samus. This is not something you will hear often, and most likely it will never happen again, but I'd like to apologize for my actions yesterday. I'm sorry that I-um tried to avoid chores and made you mad."

"You should be!" She snapped back at him, before moving over again, as the creep had tried to move closer to her again.

"You know, most girls would just accept the apology." He murmured into her ear, with a husky voice, while once again moving closer to her. She slapped him hard across the face.

"Piss off, Snake!" Samus scooped up her bowl and walked through the door. What she found, however was not a pleasing sight. Kirby was running around with someone's sock in his mouth with Red chasing him. Bowser bumped into one of the side tables, causing all of the vases and other breakables to shatter on impact with the floor. If that wasn't enough, Peach had been trying to empty the contents of the vacuum cleaner after yesterday's cleaning session, but it she bumped it into a bomb-om (Samus had no idea how it got there), and at the whole thing exploded, sending dust and whatever else the the thing had picked up yesterday everywhere. The rest of the brawlers had come running in after hearing all the noise, and just stood staring at the messy room. Sighing, Samus sat on a chair, which collapsed under her weight. She looked down and noticed that someone had taken the screws out, which held the legs of the chair in place. She heard Wario snicker from the back of the room, but was too tired to get up and chase him at that minute.

"This is going to be a long week."


End file.
